When work becomes part of who we are – and why leaving can feel like loss

By Emma Gross, Employment Law Partner at Spencer West LLP

We are often told that we should separate our personal identity from our jobs. We should leave work at the office, avoid defining ourselves by our careers and remember that employment is only one part of who we are. While that advice is sensible, it does not always reflect the reality of modern working life, because work gives people far more than a payslip. It can provide status, routine, friendships, confidence, purpose and a sense that we are contributing to something meaningful, which means that a career can gradually become part of the story we tell ourselves about who we are and where our lives are going.

That is why a job change can feel surprisingly emotional, even when it is objectively the right decision. Redundancy, resignation, promotion, a career pivot or returning to work after a period away can all create a complicated form of transition. A person may have changed roles, but they may also be grieving a version of themselves, particularly where their professional identity has become closely connected to their sense of achievement or belonging.

People move between employers, industries and professions more frequently, while technology continues to reshape roles and flexible working changes how teams connect. At the same time, employees are increasingly encouraged to find meaning and fulfilment through their work. We are therefore presented with something of a paradox: people are told not to define themselves by their jobs while simultaneously being encouraged to make their work meaningful.

Employers should understand the emotional consequences of that tension, particularly when managing organisational change. Take redundancy, for example. From a legal perspective, redundancy involves a process concerning roles, organisational requirements and, where applicable, consultation. From a human perspective, however, it can feel like rejection, uncertainty, loss of status or even a loss of identity. Two employees who receive the same redundancy package may experience the event very differently depending on how connected they were to their role and what that role represented to them.

The way in which change is handled therefore matters. People are generally better able to cope with difficult news when they understand what is happening, why it is happening and what will happen next. Although employers cannot remove the uncertainty inherent in every career transition, clear and respectful communication can prevent unnecessary ambiguity from adding to an already difficult experience.

The same principle applies when someone chooses to leave. A departing employee may be genuinely excited about the next chapter while simultaneously mourning colleagues, routines, relationships and a professional identity that has taken years to build. Organisations that understand this are more likely to approach departures with dignity rather than treating resignation as a purely administrative event.

Managers have an important role in this process. They should not be expected to provide counselling, but they can recognise that career transitions are also human transitions. Asking what someone is looking forward to, what they are finding difficult and what support might make the transition easier can create space for a more constructive conversation without requiring the manager to step outside their professional role.

For employers, the quality of an ending can also shape how the entire employment relationship is remembered. Employees tend to remember how organisations behave when circumstances become difficult, and a respectful redundancy process, a thoughtful response to resignation or genuine support during a transition can preserve trust even when the employment relationship itself is ending. This matters because employment relationships are increasingly fluid, meaning that someone who leaves today may later become a customer, supplier, business contact or even a future employee.

Career transitions also expose the limitations of how we define success. A promotion is normally presented as an unequivocally positive event, yet it can involve loss as well as opportunity because it may bring a new identity, greater responsibility and uncertainty about whether the individual will succeed. Equally, stepping away from a high-status role may be personally right while still feeling like failure, particularly if professional achievement has become closely tied to self-worth.

There is therefore no universal response to career change, and that is why empathy matters. For individuals, one useful way to approach a transition is to separate the role from the qualities developed within it. Leaving a job does not erase the relationships, expertise or confidence gained during that period, and a career chapter can end without making that chapter meaningless.

For managers and employers, the lesson is equally practical. Legal compliance remains essential, but completing a process correctly is not the same as ensuring that people experience it well. Whether an organisation is managing redundancy, resignation, promotion or a return to work, there is value in recognising that every professional transition also carries a human dimension.

Ultimately, careers are made up of chapters rather than permanent identities. Some chapters are chosen, while others are imposed, and some end with celebration whereas others end with uncertainty. An ending is not necessarily evidence that something has gone wrong; sometimes, it is simply the point at which one chapter closes and another begins.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this opinion piece are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Well Crowd. This content is for information and discussion purposes only and should not be taken as medical, health, or professional advice.